Bottomless Cocktails: The 11 Unspoken Rules

Bottomless Cocktails: The 11 Unspoken Rules

Cocktail nights are undoubtedly one of the most fun ways to spend time with friends, whether you’re the type to go for a Mojito or a Bloody Mary. Bottomless cocktails can be a recipe for either endless enjoyment or a drunken disaster, so it is not an event to be taken lightly. The fun will be raucous and, at times, unruly, but there are some unwritten rules that you need to know.

Here are the 11 unspoken rules you should follow at your bottomless cocktails event. Try not to ignore any of them, and you are sure to have a great time with your friends.

1. Don’t order before reading the rules

Bottomless cocktails are often enjoyed with food, and you may be required to order a meal from the beginning. Take this into account as you select your cocktail journey, as some cocktails will start to feel like you are over-filling your stomach as you get further in, particularly if you are drinking them with food.

There may be other rules as well, so make sure you understand them before getting started. It could save you a lot of trouble as the experience goes on.

2. High heels are a bad idea

Bottomless cocktails call for flat, sturdy shoes that have a good grip as you move around. Turning up in miniature foot stilts and stumbling around is a quick way to bring unnecessary trouble upon yourself.

Dress sensibly – of course, you want to dress up when you head out for boozy fun with friends, but you need to be practical about what you’re walking into. Consider that spillage is not uncommon with cocktails, so don’t wear your favourite white dress!

3. Don’t be surprised if it’s noisy

There is no such thing as quiet bottomless cocktails. It simply isn’t possible to lower the noise level coming from a group of raucous 20-somethings on their fourth round of cocktails. So keep your complaints to yourself, because once you’ve downed a couple of Bloody Marys you’ll be just as loud and unruly talking about utter nonsense.

Consider what happens when you head out for a night in your local bar or club: people + alcohol = noise. Every time.

4. Don’t order healthy food alongside your cocktail

Look – bottomless cocktails are not the right accompaniment to your healthy diet. You are spending a couple of hours downing an indefinite amount of alcohol and sugar, so just swallow your pride and order equally unhealthy food!

Yogurt and fruit don’t cancel out the unhealthy intake from all those Mojitos. Call it a cheat day and write off your commitment to good health for a couple of hours.

5. Order by the pitcher – never double fist

No doubt you want to be as efficient as possible, but double fisting is bad form. Don’t force your server to keep revisiting your table to fill your glass – order a pitcher instead, so your server will only need to make less frequent visits for refills.

This will make the time easier for you as well. You can simply fill your glass yourself after every drink rather than having to get the server’s attention and wait for them to do the work.

6. Avoid ordering overly complicated cocktails

Tending the bar during a bottomless cocktails shift is not an easy experience. Don’t go in there with lofty expectations, and keep the drinks you order at the simpler end of the cocktail spectrum. The best advice is to stick with the tried and true: Bellinis, Mimosas and Bloody Marys.

This is your fun time, but you should still be mindful of the people who are there to do a job. They are providing this experience to you, so be considerate of them as you party.

7. Pace yourself

The cocktails will keep coming so long as there is food still on your plate. So there’s no need to rush – eat like a bird to get through your meal slowly. Make sure you savour every bite and take in the abundance of flavours as you go.

The practical benefit of this is that you will get better alcohol absorption in your stomach. This will help keep you at a stable level of tipsy, without crossing the line into blackout drunk.

8. Don’t even think about drinking straight liquor

Yes, drinking spirits neat certainly keeps the order simple, but be sensible – you’re only here for a couple of hours, and it may only be the early afternoon! Strictly no fireball shots or whiskey for lunch. And avoid vodka on the rocks – it may look like you’re drinking water, but your behaviour will be a dead giveaway.

Cocktails are considered more acceptable at any point of the day. And cocktails are what you’re here for – not a no-holds-barred drinking session where anything goes. You want to leave with your self-respect intact.

9. It is permissible to wear sunglasses indoors

It’s not often you can get away with wearing shades indoors, so take advantage of this unspoken bottomless cocktails rule. Hide those unsightly bloodshot eyes – bottomless cocktails will not judge you for it.

Anyway, when everyone around you is well on their way to the tipsy village, you may even look like the coolest person in the room.

10. Don’t outstay your welcome

While you should totally get your money’s worth out of the experience, it’s important you don’t overdo it. You’re there to enjoy a little food and drink all the Mimosas so that you can make your exit full of great food and even better drinks. But you are not there to exploit the offer and eventually be dragged out by your embarrassed friends.

There is dignity in adhering to this rule. And there is less time for the fun to descend into depressed rambling, pointless arguments or anything else negative.

11. Don’t shell out more than $75

A couple of hours of bottomless cocktails shouldn’t cost an exorbitant amount of money. All you get for paying over the odds is disappointment. You’re paying for a meal and alcohol, this should not come in at more than $75.

If you do decide to spend a bit more, make sure it is justified, for example, if the event is hosted in a wonderful venue or boat. Don’t get carried away and pay for stuff you neither need nor want. Keep this rule in mind and you’ll be fine.

Final thoughts

You want to show up to bottomless cocktails looking like you know what you’re doing. This list of unspoken rules should be your guide – stick to them and you won’t go far wrong. A little deviation from some of them is acceptable, as long as you keep it within reason.

Otherwise, enjoy your time with your friends. If you want to eat, drink and be merry, contact Yarra River Cruises and enjoy a 2-hour bottomless cocktail cruise.